he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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