you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We left an ass print on the piano.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
True college students do jello shots in the library
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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