Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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