Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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