Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
