I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
