Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
