She's JV to your varsity
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
