And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
