I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
