Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
