Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have aggressive nipples.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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