I hate your face
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
