Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
