Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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