I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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