I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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