can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
