Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
