somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she looked like the before picture.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
