I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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