We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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