well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
