Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
