Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
