I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
