I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
