Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
