I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
