apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
