she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Life is so much better after having sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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