Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
