I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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