Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
