...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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