I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
