So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
