I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
