Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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