youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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