1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
