Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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