That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
