Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
