my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
