My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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