So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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