Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
