you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
