that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
